Your Story is More Powerful Than You Know

As we end the month of April, I would be re-missed not to do a post about the significance of month.  April has been deemed Sexual Assault & Child Abuse Awareness month to bring an understanding about this violation that occurs globally that is connected to everyone in some form or fashion. We all know someone who this has happen too or it could even be you. All the statistics mention 1 in 4 girls and 1 and 5 boys have been impacted. In my personal opinion, I believe it happens to more than what people wish to confess.

I know for many years I carried the shame and guilt of being molested by my father deep within. I also hide being sexually assaulted, violated or having inappropriately encounters by family, friends and even strangers. This definitely takes a toll on your identity and your self worth. You learn to hide behind your story and become powerless behind it thus taking on an new identity that is unrecognizable to many including yourself.

I can admit that this is how I felt for many many many years. Notice I said many years. But, in the fullness of time there came a point where it’s time to release the shame, relinquish the burden, and reconnect to my God given power! Years ago, I did just that during this special month to reclaim who I was meant to be and position myself towards my purpose.

In April of 2014 I started this blog, this simple little blog to share my thoughts, to share my truths and share my power. Little did I know how powerful this would truly be. In the midst, of me being more comfortable with my story and the power that ignited from it began to spark within others. It started others to recognize their own truth and be able to give themselves permission to finally tell their truth. I am filled with so much joy when another person can truly begin the journey into finding their own power.  I have so many to share over the years that are meaningful and purposeful but today I would like to share just one.

Today, a young lady shared with me that knowing my story gave her the power and courage to finally share hers which she did on this day. I am so honored that she gave me permission to share her power with you! This is what she said:

“Today is the end of Sexual Assault Awareness Month. I’m a survivor. Wow! The first time it happened I was 14 years old on my way to school. It was a stranger. 40 years ago! Can I keep it real with you and tell you it is still extremely difficult to share. When I play it back in my head, it was one of the most terrifying days of my life’ I can still see it like it was yesterday. I thought I was going to die. I fought for my life that day. I cried out to God to save me. I will never forget the rapist said, “I’m your God now”.
For many years, At first I couldn’t understand why God let this happen to me. I carried the guilt, shame, and Blame for being raped. In my mind it was my fault. If I would have just followed my mother’s instructions to a tee. I carried the guilt of the hurt and shame I believed I brought to my family. I remember the rape kit at the hospital, being connected to a lie detector test at the police station and looking through books full of mug shots. I remember I had just gotten a brand new coat and shoes before this happened. I never got my coat back. They kept if for evidence. I really did LOVE that coat.
The effects of being raped stay with you for a lifetime. It affects victims in different ways. For me, after being raped a second time, I was convinced that was all I was worth. I believed there was something wrong with me. Men wanted to rape me but nobody wanted to love me. So I became extremely promiscuous.
I share this not for your pity or for attention but because God spared my life so I can tell my story. So I can let some woman or girl know that it was not her fault and to beg her to please talk to someone. Don’t let someone steal your life. We may never forget but we can heal and go on to live life free of anger, guilt, and shame.” ~ Yolanda

Wow! all I can say is that I am so proud of her for having the courage to release what she has been holding on to for so long for the first time. It’s a start and the beginning towards over her stepping into her power! Ok, so now you see exactly how Powerful your story not only is to yourself but to others.

This is the message I want to release to everyone reading this whether it is today, tomorrow or sometime in the future. Own your story, embrace your story, release your story. You have the power within and it’s time to give yourself permission to know that your story is powerful, your truth matters, and the purpose behind your pain has now become your oyster if you let it! Simply because when you give yourself permission to tell your story, it helps someone else the power to tell theirs!

#sexualassaultawarenessmonth  

#MagnifyYourEssence #MagnifiedThoughts #TheGoodLife

Message to My Younger Self

Singing “today is a special day not just any day” as it is my anniversary. Not based off of a wedding, a job, or an organization, but stemming from my calling and my mission. It so happens that 6 years ago on April 18th I released this little thing I called  my “little chia pet” blog named Magnify Your Essence. My very first post was entitled “If Not Now, Then When”. I was so nervous about releasing this into the atmosphere as I thought who am I kidding who is going to read this. But I did it anyway, I shared my writing with a few family, friends and co-workers who encouraged me to keep going.

When I first released this blog, I remained anonymous for months because I wasn’t confident in what I was releasing as I didn’t see the value in it, in myself or why I was even doing it in the first place. But, deep down I knew this is something that I just had to do for myself. It gave me an outlet to process and make sense of my feelings and my thoughts.

I was so surprised that people immediately took an interest in my blog from around the globe. And, to be honest that was extremely frightening. I start sharing more intimate details about my life, my past trauma and my past abuse all under the guise of anonymity. As my blog still had no name, not even a face as to who the author or creator was. Then one day several months later I decided to put a name and face to this mystery blogger for the whole world to see.

This was the leap I needed to no longer be ashamed and hide behind my pain and my healing. These were all steps made towards my growth and learning, understanding and embracing my own worth. Worth is something that you are taught. Worth is a lesson plan prepared for you by your parents that should be etched in your existence for eternity. But the problem is even with the guidance from our parents we still might not get it. Especially, when you have experienced some form of trauma or abuse as a child the guidance becomes non existent.

Knowing your worth allows you to show the world how to see you. When you don’t know your worth you are not displaying who you truly are. This is a very important lesson that gets missed by many young and old alike. It’s just like being absent from school the day the lesson on love and relationships were discussed. This scenario reminds me exactly like in the intro from the album Miseducation of Lauryn Hill (great album by the way).

This unlearned lesson all ties to knowing and understanding your value and your worth. When we don’t know this, it causes us to doubt ourselves, it causes us to not believe in anything we do regardless of how much we try to pretend that it doesn’t matter. It can cause you to make poor life decisions leaving you open to further brokenness.

The fact is that it truly does matter. Knowing your worth gives you confidence to know that you can do all things. It allows you to know and understand boundaries you set for yourself and for others. It allows you to show up in a way that shows a distinct difference which sets you apart from the rest.

In essence, knowing your value thus knowing your worth is an extremely important asset that you can possess. Recently, this was heavy on my heart to reconnect with what I have come to discover as my worth which was recognizing that my worth is my intrinsic valuable. But unfortunately, my younger self was not privy to this information hence the many years and layers of brokenness that had to be removed and repaired.

This made me ponder on how many other young girls, even women, who missed out on this precious lesson as well. So, knowing what I know now I wanted to share a message to my younger self as a reminder that I matter with the hopes that this would inspire someone to recognized that they mattered too. So, I put a call out for other women who are also walking in their authority, who also know their worth to join me by sending a message to their younger self to share with the world. And, this is what we all had to say:

Wow, thank you so much ladies for answering the call. As we can see they all have learned to know and understand their value and worth. I must say that all of their essence has definitely been magnified. This is making my heart filled with joy as I continue to sing it’s my anniversary. This is such a wonderful way to celebrate by doing what I have been called to do, to share as I learn and to allow others to share their growth as well.

So now the question to you is, “what is your worth?” that you would tell your younger self. And, if you are younger after reading this and the example from these amazing women what is your worth and what would be the message you wish to give to your older self based on the lessons we all shared?  By all means, do share your message we all would like to know because class is now in session. Your name is being called make it a point to no longer be absent. You owe it to yourself!

 

Assignment – What is your Message?

 

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A Time for Healing

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month “A Victorious Story of Healing” is the title of an article that featured my story of Healing and overcoming Sexual Child Abuse.  I’d like to share that article that I contributed too.

Every eight minutes, child protective services substantiates, or finds evidence for, a claim of child sexual abuse. Every 98 seconds, an American is sexually assaulted. Every survivor needs a time to heal. I hope that the following story of Carolyn Wilson encourages and empowers someone else to speak up, get help and allow the process of healing lead you to complete victory!

For Sexual Assault Awareness month, I decided to share my story a couple of weeks ago of being a shy, creative little girl who loved art and who was being molested by my father. This was my norm many days and nights for most of my childhood until I became a teenager. Although, there were brief moments when it stopped the long lasting damage was already done.

The damage that a child endures as being sexually exposed, sexually assaulted, and sexually raped causes an effect that lasts a lifetime. This is an experience that can unfortunately never go away. There is no pill to cure it. There is no magic spell to make it go away. The only thing you have is yourself to keep yourself going.

Just like many victims of sexual child abuse, I have lived many years with shame, guilt, confusion, depression and uncertainty. It becomes routinely easier to become numb and not deal with what has happen to you. Because, the pain is way too much to handle. But, unfortunately, what you ignore and burry will eventually resurface.

This is what happen to me when I found out my perpetrator was still molesting a little girl who happen to be my little sister. Because of this, I decided to tell what happen to me once more and now he is serving 20 years in prison. I did this initially to save her but ended up saving me in the process.

This was the beginning of my healing. My healing that was long overdue. I began this process by staying in prayer, surrounding myself with friends and family, attending a support group for incest survivors, attended therapy with a licensed counselor that specializes in childhood trauma and kept busy by giving back to the community.

The work that was put in was far from easy but it was necessary. Many things came out of this process, I am no longer plagued with shame, guilt, and all the uncertainties that come along with being sexual abused. Instead, I freely know who I am, what’s my purpose, and why i exist.

What has been birthed out of this pain was my blog turned ministry Magnify Your Essence, my Power Hour Empowerment Series, my Beacon’s Light Women’s Retreat, my book – Magnified Thoughts – A Transformational Journey to Reveal Your Amazing You, and my annual Celebrating YOU Women’s Conference & Expo held every third Sunday in May.

If you were sexually assaulted, you can call this hot-line number for confidential support and service providers in your area 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

http://scoopusanewspaper.com/

printed: April 27, 2018 by Arnita DeShields